it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
