Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
