So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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