I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize