Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
