I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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