by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
