You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
