In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
