somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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