Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
