you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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