margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize