I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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