I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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