idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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