I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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