Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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