in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
