He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
