i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
