He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
