She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
