I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
