You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
