I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
