I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
