dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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