I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
