Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
