He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
