Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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