Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
