and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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