The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
