I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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