I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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