sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
