She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
