why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
