So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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