I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
