If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
