The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
