his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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