Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
