If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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