Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
