and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have tasted many bathrooms
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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