Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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