break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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