So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
