Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize