worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
