even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
