The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
