my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
