i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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