I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
