If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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