i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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