I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
