R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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