Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
