your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
