I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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