I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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