what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
