so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
