Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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