You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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