dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
