Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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