ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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