I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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