Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
