just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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